Michelle's Story
My name is Michelle, pronouns she/they. I am 35 years old. I’m a single parent, an actor and a writer. This is my story about overcoming the things that say I’m not allowed to be who I am - queer, autistic, disabled, neurodivergent, and non-binary.
I grew up in a religious environment that never allowed me to figure out who I was, let alone express or celebrate it. In 2021, I came out as queer, and the fall-out was immediate. I lost at least half the people in my life - many of which could not accept me because of their religious beliefs. I also lost my home and for a time, my career. Yes, coming out can still mean losing everything, even in these supposedly “progressive” times.
At about the same time, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and soon after that, autism. It’s hard getting these diagnoses so late in life. I spent so much of my life struggling with mental illness. I was misdiagnosed for 15 years before I finally received the right diagnosis and treatment. And I had to fight so hard for it, every step of the way. Women and feminine-presenting people with ADHD and autism are massively under-diagnosed and I’m very passionate about helping other neurodivergent people find the resources they need. If you think you might have ADHD or autism, follow that instinct. Talk to your family doctor or check out the amazing resources at Embrace Autism (www.embrace-autism.com).
It’s really sad to me how many people view ADHD and autism as a disease to be cured. Make no mistake, living with them makes life hard and they are classified disabilities - but that speaks more to the way our society tries to discard people who are different, and especially people who struggle. Disability just needs accommodation. Still, neurodivergence is beautiful, and it’s nothing like the stereotypes you’ve seen. Neurodivergent people have so much to contribute to the world and to society and I am here for it.
It has taken a long time for me to accept my non-binary identity - and some days it still doesn’t feel real. Being NB and/or trans means having to carve out a space for yourself every day, everywhere you go, and honestly that is exhausting. BUT there is also a lot of joy in being NB. I love that my identity makes it easier for me to love my body. Non-binary doesn’t have a “look”. Any traits, whether they are traditionally “masculine” or “feminine” can be non-binary. My body hair, my build, the size of my feet - all things I used to obsess about - just make more sense to me now. I don’t think any gender has a “look”, the point is you get to decide what makes you feel at home in your body, regardless of gender.
Even though I lost so much after I came out, today love keeps multiplying in my life. I’ve found my people and I’m not alone or homeless anymore. I never imagined my life could be filled with this much joy, power, and mutual aid. I get to parent with other single parents in a happy queer community. I get to educate on neurodivergence, and advocate for queer, neurodivergent and disabled people. And I get to work in the acting industry as a non-binary person.
If you are facing the unknown, I know it’s cliche, but you really aren’t alone. Maybe the unknown is yourself, maybe you are only living a half life and on the other side of pain, loss and fear is the full life you always knew must be there. Embrace all your dark and light parts and don’t stop reaching out for love and community. For “what will you do with your one wild and precious life?” (Mary Oliver)
